Seriously, Y’all Are Selling Your Souls for Pocket Change?

Okay, so I just saw this news, and honestly, my eye might just permanently roll out of its socket and bounce across my overpriced, minimalist concrete desk. There’s this new app, Neon Mobile, right? And it’s apparently the second most downloaded social app in the entire damn app store. Why? Because it lets you record your audio calls and sell the data to AI companies. For ‘hundreds or even thousands’ of dollars. My jaw is on the floor, and not in a good way.

The New Hustle: Privacy as a Commodity, Except You’re Getting Scammed

I mean, I get it. Cost of living in this city is a joke, and that avocado toast ain’t gonna buy itself. We’re all out here trying to make a buck, side hustles galore. But selling your actual, private conversations to some faceless AI corp? For a few hundred bucks? That’s not a hustle, honey, that’s a one-way ticket to getting absolutely fleeced. Remember all those cringe-worthy moments, the awkward silences, the gossiping about your boss (hi, it’s me, I’m gossiping about my boss right now)? All that, packaged up and sold like it’s some kind of artisanal cheese. Except it’s more like day-old expired milk.

And let’s be real, ‘hundreds or even thousands’? That’s like, what, two months rent on a studio apartment here if you’re lucky? Or maybe a really nice omakase dinner if you splurge. Meanwhile, these AI companies are probably raking in billions, building their Skynet-esque overlords on the back of your intimate discussions about your cat’s latest bowel movement. It’s giving ‘sell your kidney for a new iPhone,’ but somehow even more pathetic because you don’t even get a tangible organ back. You just get… less privacy.

The Irony Is Thicker Than a San Francisco Fog

We spend so much time hand-wringing about data privacy, about big tech listening in, about targeted ads knowing we just thought about buying a new air fryer. And then some rando app comes along and says, “Hey, wanna just give us all your data? We’ll throw you a few crumbs!” and people are like, “Sign me up, fam!” The cognitive dissonance is truly something to behold. It’s like we’re actively participating in our own digital surveillance, but with a meager participation trophy in the form of a Venmo payment.

I can just picture the product manager at Neon Mobile, probably some dude named Chad, high-fiving his team over their ‘disruptive’ and ‘user-centric’ model. “We’re empowering users!” he probably screams, as if giving away your deepest secrets for the price of a mid-tier concert ticket is some kind of noble act. No, Chad, you’re just monetizing desperation and a fundamental lack of understanding about what personal data is actually worth. Which, surprise, surprise, is a lot more than a few hundred dollars.

My Plea: Let’s Have Some Standards, People

Look, I’m not saying we should all go live in cabins in the woods and communicate solely via carrier pigeons (though, honestly, sometimes that sounds appealing). But can we, as a society, at least agree that our private conversations are worth more than the cost of a new pair of designer sneakers? Is it too much to ask that we draw a line somewhere?

This isn’t just about the money; it’s about the principle. It’s about maintaining a shred of dignity in an increasingly commodified world. If we’re willing to sell our spoken thoughts for a pittance, what’s next? Our literal dreams? Our deepest fears, packaged and sold as ‘emotional intelligence datasets’? Probably. And knowing this tech-bro landscape, someone’s already coding it. So, for the love of all that is holy, think twice before you hit ‘record’ on your next call with your therapist. Or, at the very least, negotiate a better damn price. You’re worth more than the cost of a month’s supply of oat milk lattes.