The TikTok Takeover: More Than Just Dancing Kids and Dodgy Algorithms
I swear, these digital whippersnappers and their infernal ‘apps’ are going to be the death of us. Back in my day, if you wanted to be entertained, you read a book or, if you were feeling particularly wild, you watched a rerun of MAS*H. Now? It’s all about these ‘TikToks’ and ‘algorith…ms’ controlling every blinkin’ thing you see. And don’t even get me started on the ‘US user data’ part of it. What data? My tax returns? My secret recipe for prune-based digestive aids? They probably want to know how many times I yell at the neighbor’s cat. It’s an outrage!
The Great Algorithm Hijack
So, I’m reading this… ‘article’ about how TikTok’s ‘algorithm’ is going to be ‘copied and retrained’ using ‘US user data.’ Copied! Retrained! Sounds like something out of a cheap sci-fi movie, not real life. What are they training it for, exactly? To make sure I only see videos of kids doing those silly dances, or maybe to sell me more extended warranty plans for a car I don’t even own? It’s all a big opaque box, this ‘algorithm’ thing. No command line, no source code to poke around in. Just a black hole sucking up your eyeballs and, apparently, your data.
And what’s this about ‘White House officials’ claiming it’s a ‘win for the app’s US users and American citizens’? A win for whom, exactly? The people who get to watch more cat videos? The ones who now have their viewing habits meticulously cataloged and analyzed so some corporation can sell them more junk they don’t need? It’s like calling a trip to the dentist a ‘win’ because you got a lollipop at the end. The whole process is still painful and probably unnecessary.
The Illusion of Choice
These kids, they think they’re so free, scrolling through their ‘feeds,’ choosing what they want to watch. Hah! They’re about as free as a hamster on a wheel. This ‘algorithm’ decides what they see, what they like, what they think they want. It’s a digital puppet master, pulling strings you can’t even see. And now, they’re going to make a special American puppet master? Because, apparently, our American dances and cat videos are fundamentally different from the rest of the world’s? Give me a break.
Back in my day, if you wanted to find something, you typed it in. You searched. You made a conscious decision. Now, it’s all just given to you. ‘Here, old man, look at this! You’ll like it because we say so!’ It’s a slippery slope, I tell ya. First, they pick your videos, then they pick your news, then they pick your thoughts. Before you know it, we’ll all be thinking the same damn thing, and then where’s the fun in arguing at Thanksgiving dinner?
The Price of ‘Progress’
They call this ‘progress.’ I call it surrendering your mind to a glorified spreadsheet. All this talk of ‘national security’ and ‘data privacy’ sounds like a fancy excuse to tighten the digital leash even further. They’re not protecting us; they’re managing us. Like cattle, but with better Wi-Fi. I preferred it when the biggest threat to my data was a spilled cup of coffee on a floppy disk. At least then, I knew who to blame.
In conclusion, this whole TikTok kerfuffle is just another symptom of a larger disease: the complete and utter surrender to the digital overlords. We’re trading convenience for control, entertainment for engineered opinions. And for what? So some kids can do silly dances and I can accidentally see videos of people eating questionable street food? I’ll stick to my command line, thank you very much. At least I tell it what to do.