Another Fucking iPhone? You Gotta Be Kidding Me. Fuckin’ “iPhone Air” My Ass.

Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in. Apple, those cocksuckers, are at it again. Another September, another goddamn event, and what do we get? The “iPhone Air.” “Air,” you say? What in the living hell are they going to do, make it float? Is it gonna take a fucking balloon to carry it around? I swear to Christ, these tech companies just keep shoveling the same old horseshit down our throats, painting it with a fresh coat of bullshit and calling it innovation. It’s enough to make a man want to throw his phone, and not in the way they demonstrate in those damn commercials.

Slimmer Than Your Chances of a Quiet Life

“All-new slimmer model.” Oh, for fuck’s sake. Slimmer? How much goddamn slimmer do these things need to get? Soon they’ll be so thin you’ll slice your finger just trying to pick the goddamn thing up. What’s next, a phone that’s a single atom thick? So fragile a strong gust of wind will shatter it into a million microscopic pieces, forcing you to buy the “iPhone Micro-Repair Kit” for another three hundred dollars. It’s a racket, pure and simple. These bastards think we’re all a bunch of drooling imbeciles who’ll fork over our hard-earned cash for a fraction of a millimeter difference. And the worst part? We probably will. Fucking sheep, every last one of us, myself included.

The AI Gimmick: More Hot Air Than a Politician’s Promise

And then there’s the AI. Oh, the goddamn AI. Every goddamn tech article, every goddamn press release, it’s all about “AI.” What in the sweet name of Jesus are these algorithms gonna do? Tell me my pants are ugly? Remind me I’m a failure? We already have wives for that, and they don’t cost a grand every goddamn year. This “AI” is nothing but a fancy word for more data mining, more advertising, more ways for these tech titans to stick their grubby fingers into every goddamn corner of our lives. It’s not intelligence, it’s surveillance, dressed up in a digital suit. And anyone who thinks otherwise is a goddamn fool, or trying to sell you a goddamn course on it.

iPhone 17 and Apple Watch: Because We Needed More Goddamn Numbers

And let’s not forget the iPhone 17 and new Apple Watch models. Seventeen! It’s like they’re just pulling numbers out of a goddamn hat. What happened to making a good product and sticking with it? Now it’s an annual fucking ritual, like a tax audit, but with more shiny objects. And the Apple Watch? Another goddamn screen to stare at, another goddamn notification to ignore. Soon we’ll all be wearing so many goddamn devices we’ll look like cyborg Christmas trees, lit up with the glow of our digital overlords. It’s a never-ending cycle of consumption, driven by these corporate bastards who couldn’t give two shits about your actual needs. They just want your money, and they’ll keep inventing new ways to get it, one “slimmer,” “smarter,” “airier” gadget at a time. It’s a goddamn joke, and we’re all the punchline. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need a drink.