The Robots Are Texting
I remember when you wanted to talk to someone, you picked up the rotary phone and you waited for the dial to spin back. Now, these Anthropic people—which sounds like a brand of vitamins for your joints—have released something called Claude Code Channels. Apparently, you can message this Claude fella on your 'Discord' or your 'Telegram.' I asked my grandson what a Discord was, and he told me it is where people go to scream about video games and post pictures of frogs. Why on earth would I want a robot to join in on that? My toaster already talks to me enough when the bread gets stuck, and I do not need a computer program chiming in on my private business. They say it has 'long-term memory' now, which is more than I can say for myself since the 1980s ended. It is supposed to remember what you told it last Tuesday. I cannot even remember why I walked into the kitchen half the time, but this computer program is keeping a digital diary of our 'interactions' like some kind of silicon-based private investigator. It is invasive, it is spooky, and it is probably watching me eat my oatmeal right now.
The whole point of this mess, from what I can gather through my cataracts, is that you do not even have to leave your 'chat' app to get the robot to do your work. It is just plain lazy! We used to have to type things in a command line that looked like a scene from a low-budget sci-fi movie, and we liked it! Now you just send a little text message to a 'channel' and the robot fixes your computer code. What happened to the pride of spending twelve hours staring at a blinking green cursor until your eyes started to bleed? These early adopters are all hooting and hollering because it has 'multi-channel support.' I had multi-channel support back in 1978; it was called a TV antenna, a roll of tin foil, and a pair of rusty pliers. These kids would not know a real channel if it hit them in the rabbit ears. And do not get me started on the security of it all. Messaging a robot over Telegram? I do not even trust the mailman with my Sears catalog, let alone some 'Cloud' entity with my bank passwords and my secret recipe for brisket.
The OpenClaw Debacle
Then there is this thing called OpenClaw. Now, that sounds like a brand of crab crackers you would find at a church potluck or maybe a heavy-duty tool for pulling up floorboards. Well, the news says Anthropic 'mogged' it. I had to look that one up in the dictionary, but it was not there—I guess the dictionary is 'obsolete' now too, according to the local youth. My grandson said it means they outshined them or basically kicked them off the playground. Back in my day, if you wanted to outshine someone, you just mowed your lawn better than them or had a shinier Cadillac. This OpenClaw was supposedly the king of the 'open source' hill, which I assume means anyone can stick their greasy fingers in the gears until the whole thing breaks. But now this Claude Code thing is hookin' up to all the apps. It is like a digital Swiss Army knife, but instead of a useful toothpick and a blade, it is just more ways for the internet to give you a migraine. They call it an 'autonomous agentic harness.' I do not know what that is, but it sounds like something you would use to break a stubborn mule in the backyard.
They say this Claude thing is an 'OpenClaw killer.' That is pretty violent for a bunch of people who spend all day sitting in ergonomic chairs drinking oat milk. Why can the robots not just get along? Back in the day, if you had a competitor, you just worked harder. Now they just 'mog' each other until someone goes bankrupt or loses their venture capital. This Claude is part of some 'harness,' which really worries me. A harness is for horses or for when you are painting the siding on the house. Why does a computer program need a harness? Is it going to bolt if it sees a squirrel? They say it has 'internalized the features of the open-source movement.' That sounds like some communist talk to me. Next thing you know, the robot will be asking for a union and three weeks of vacation in the Bahamas. I miss the days when a computer was just a big beige box that made a loud whirring noise and did not try to be your best friend on Discord while you are trying to nap.
Conclusion
In the end, I suppose this is just the way the world is going. Everything is a 'channel' and everything has 'memory' except for the people actually running the place. I tried to tell the smart speaker in my living room to remind me to take my blood pressure pills, and it started playing jazz music from the 1920s at full volume. If that is 'artificial intelligence,' then I am the Queen of England. If Anthropic wants to kill the OpenClaw, let them have at it. I will be over here with my crosswords and a pencil that does not need a software update or a Telegram account to function. These people are so obsessed with making things 'agentic' that they have forgotten how to just turn the darn thing off and go for a walk. If I see a robot in my 'channels,' I am changing the station to the ball game and leaving it there until the batteries die.