Meta’s ‘Smart’ Glasses: More Like ‘Dumbass’ Glitches, Ain’t They?

Well, well, well, if it ain’t the grand poobah of the metaverse, young Mark Zuckerberg, tripping over his own two feet again. This time, it’s those goddamn ‘smart’ glasses of his, performing like a drunken whore at a Sunday service. Two glitches, he says. Two embarrassing glitches, I say, that turned his big reveal into a goddamn clown show.

The Emperor’s New Specs: Buggy and Bleeding Money

Now, you’d think with all the billions Meta’s been pissing away on this metaverse pipe dream, they could at least get a pair of spectacles to work without shitting the bed on stage. But no, not our Zucky. He’s out there, trying to impress the masses with his futuristic eyewear, and the damn things decide to take a nap. What in the hell is ‘smart’ about that, I ask you? It’s like buying a prize-winning pig that only grunts and rolls in its own filth.

CTO Andrew Bosworth: The Master of Excuses

And then we got Andrew Bosworth, the Chief Technology Officer, stepping up like some goddamn prophet, explaining the ‘cause’ of these grand failures. ‘Oh, it was a software bug!’ he whines. ‘A ‘critical path’ issue!’ he blathers. What a load of horse manure! It ain’t a ‘critical path’ issue, Bosworth, it’s a ‘critical fuck-up’ issue. You spend all this time and money, building up the hype, and when it’s time to deliver, you hand us a steaming pile of digital dung. It’s like a prospector striking gold and then finding out it’s just a goddamn rock painted yellow.

The Metaverse: A Wasteland of Broken Promises

This ain’t just about some broken glasses, folks. This is about the whole goddamn metaverse charade. They keep promising us the moon, a new digital frontier, a brave new world. But all we get are half-baked ideas, buggy software, and a parade of tech bros trying to sell us virtual snake oil. It’s a gold rush, alright, but the only ones striking it rich are the bastards selling the shovels, and even their shovels are liable to snap in half.

My Two Cents: Stick to What Works, Or Don’t Bother

So, Zucky and Bosworth, here’s some free advice from a man who’s seen more bullshit than you’ve had hot dinners: if you can’t even get a pair of glasses to work on stage, maybe you ain’t ready for a whole goddamn virtual universe. Go back to your drawing boards, or better yet, go back to selling ads, because this ‘smart’ glasses and metaverse nonsense is dumber than a sack of hammers. The only thing ‘connected’ about your keynote was the connection between my eyeballs rolling back in my head and my brain screaming for a goddamn shot of whiskey to forget what I just witnessed. You want to impress me? Show me a pair of glasses that can pour me a decent drink, not one that shits its digital pants in front of a live audience. Good goddamn grief.