The Great Acronym War Of 2024
I woke up this morning and my grandson tried to explain to me what a 'DLSS 5' is... back in my day we had five fingers on a hand and that was enough math for anyone... but now Nvidia has decided they need to launch a new version of their 'magic picture maker' just to spite Sony... it is like watching two toddlers fight over a sandbox except the sandbox costs seven hundred dollars and requires a dedicated cooling fan... they call it 'upscaling' but it sounds more like 'up-charging' to me... Sony announced this PSSR thing which sounds like something a doctor prescribes for a persistent cough... and Nvidia just could not let them have their moment in the sun... they had to drop their own news like a lead balloon... it is exhausting trying to keep up with these companies that change their mind every fifteen minutes... back when I bought my first television you bought it once and it lasted until the wood frame rotted away... now you need a new 'upscaler' every time the moon phases change... and for what... so I can see the pores on a digital dragon's nose... I can barely see the salt shaker across the table without my bifocals... why would I care about extra pixels...
AI Slop And The Fake Dating Profiles
The internet people are calling these new graphics 'slop' and honestly I have to agree for once... have you seen these AI generated images... they look like a wax museum melted in a microwave... Nvidia showed off these new graphics and everyone said it looked like a fake dating profile... and I know exactly what they mean... my neighbor Roy tried the internet dating once and every woman he talked to had six fingers and eyes that pointed in different directions like a startled deer... that is what these video games look like now... they are so 'perfect' that they look completely wrong... they call it 'artificial intelligence' but there is nothing intelligent about making a man look like he is made of shiny ham... they are trying to trick our eyes into thinking we are seeing something real but it just looks like a fever dream I had after eating too much sharp cheddar... I do not want my games to look like a 'dating profile'... I want them to look like games... remember when Mario was just a bunch of red squares... he did not have 'realistic skin textures' and he was doing just fine... he was a plumber not a supermodel...
Seven Hundred Dollars For No Disc Drive
And don't even get me started on the price of this new Sony machine... seven hundred dollars... and it does not even come with a hole to put the discs in... what are we doing here... I have a shelf full of movies and games that I paid good money for and they want me to buy a separate 'attachment' just to use them... it is like buying a car and the salesman tells you that the steering wheel is an optional accessory... 'Oh you want to turn left... that will be another eighty dollars plus tax'... it is a scam plain and simple... they want everything to be 'digital' so they can take it away from you whenever they feel like it... I still have my record player from 1968 and it works because it is a physical object... if Sony decides to turn off their 'cloud' tomorrow then your seven hundred dollar paperweight is just a very expensive cat toy... but the kids today they do not care... they just want the newest thing with the most 'tera-flops'... I do not know what a tera-flop is but it sounds like what happens when I try to get out of the recliner too fast... we used to have standards in this country... you bought a product and you owned it... now you just rent a bunch of 'slop' from a computer in California...
Conclusion
At the end of the day I think I will just stick to my crossword puzzles and my trusty old radio... at least I know the voice on the other end is a real human being and not some 'upscaled' ghost in the machine... you kids can keep your $700 plastic bricks and your AI girlfriends... I am going to go see if the cat has finished eating the upholstery... god bless and stay away from the 'slop'... it is bad for the soul and even worse for the wallet...